The film ‘When Harry Met Sally’ poses the question of whether friendship between men and women is possible, exploring the boundary between love and friendship through Harry and Sally’s relationship. A romantic comedy, it paints a touching story through the humor and affection of its two highly distinctive protagonists.
Can true friendship exist between men and women? As long as there’s alcohol and nighttime, can there be friends between men and women? Yes? We always end up arguing about this issue. Because as long as sex is involved, we can’t clearly resolve this awkward problem. I don’t think this idea is a remnant of a patriarchal society. Because in reality, alcohol and nighttime offer us infinite possibilities. I want to discuss this issue through ‘When Harry Met Sally’ – an issue that could easily become stale and conventional, yet one that keeps our friendships on edge.
Love. Who said it? Among the things people can do when they meet, love is probably the most beautiful. People love constantly as they live. I think love is a pretty word to say and a happy feeling. But actually, there’s nothing as messy as love. Just as parting is embedded within the word “love,” its hidden side harbors a vicious nature that can make people endlessly pathetic and cowardly. Love blinds us. Once you fall in love, from the rush of hormones to the rose-colored glasses, it’s hard for reason to prevail. Just as chocolate is sweet yet bittersweet, love carries its own pain. So why do we still seek love? Eun-kyo said, ‘Do you know why high school girls sleep with boys?……. Because they’re lonely.’ That’s right. We are lonely. We crave recognition from someone other than family or friends, someone truly separate, and we want to shake off that loneliness. If we’re not careful, it can become muddied with pity or possessiveness, turning into a quagmire, yet we struggle desperately to love anyway. People living in this busy modern society, tossed about in all directions, searching for their match, wandering again today. Among the things people can do when they meet, isn’t love the most beautiful? I think the movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ charmingly portrays these forms of love using the romantic comedy genre. I still believe in fate. No matter how much I wander or take a long detour, I believe my destiny will be waiting for me someday.
For me, romantic comedy is the most precious genre. Because it offers vicarious satisfaction to someone like me, weary of reality. And I see it as a genre born from the fusion of romance/melodrama and comedy. When two uplifting forces collide, how could it not be utterly charming? While the professor said those who don’t love noir or road movies have a problem, I dare say it’s those who don’t love romantic comedies who have the real problem.
The steady popularity of romantic comedies proves that people like me aren’t alone. Lonely people. People who want to be loved. People seeking a partner who accepts them fully. When they’re tired and need a break, isn’t this genre exactly what they lean on?
Among these affectionate genres, I prefer romantic comedies over melodramas because of their lightheartedness. Can you feel happy after watching it? Melodramas have the power to wring out your emotions. Just as you might reach for a tub of vanilla ice cream and Bridget Jones’s Diary when reality hits you hard and you’re feeling down, watching a sad melodrama when you have no mental space is undoubtedly exhausting. I believe romantic comedies differ fundamentally from melodramas in the intensity of their conflicts, their basic flow, and their overall sentiment. By my standards, if melodramas have an autumnal atmosphere, romantic comedies carry the energy of spring.
Conventionally, this film never strays from its category. ‘When Harry Met Sally’ lacks any major, shocking events. If you had to pick the most shocking event throughout the film, it would probably be that Harry and Sally had sex. Yet, this event becomes the most crucial turning point in the film. Their bickering throughout the runtime was merely a symptom; their real relationship only begins after sex. I believe Nora Ephron posed the question to us: ‘Can men and women be friends?’
She begins the story about love right from the film’s opening. The film’s style is unique. It shows interviews with elderly couples seemingly unrelated to Harry and Sally, alongside scenes from Harry and Sally’s lives. Much like Woody Allen’s films, where two seemingly unrelated plots converge at the end, Harry and Sally’s counseling scene only appears near the film’s conclusion. This device would be used similarly in the not-too-distant future in ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’. It influences entirely different genres. By just lightly applying this style to the film, ‘When Harry Met Sally’ becomes even more special.
But this film isn’t interesting just because its style is unique. The defining feature of romantic comedies lies in the characters’ flaws and exaggerations. These characters truly shine when they come alive and drive the story forward. Harry is a real pain in the ass from a woman’s perspective. He can’t get over his ex-wife, dragging his friend into late-night whining sessions. He’s so pessimistic and gloomy that his first line upon meeting someone is, “I always read books starting from the last page. You never know when you’ll die, so you should know the ending before you go.” He’s prickly and irresponsible, thinking first about how to escape after sex with a woman. His excuse? He has to rush off to a meeting that morning. Then he never calls again. From a woman’s perspective, could there be anyone worse? Yet, he’s still endearing. Because you know he’s actually been hurt by love, that he truly knows how to love, and that he’s fundamentally human. He’s humorous and has the emotional capacity to genuinely care for and worry about Sally. You grow fond of him as you see his character flaws and emotional deficiencies gradually heal through meeting Sally.
But is Sally perfectly normal? Not exactly. She has an almost obsessive compulsion to keep things ‘separate’. She seems a bit of a neat freak and is so sensitive she feels like a teenage daughter. Her character is uniquely quirky. Her pride is so strong that during an argument about fake orgasms, she demonstrates a ‘fake’ orgasm herself. And she does it in a crowded restaurant. Even that scene could be endearing because the film portrays her lovably throughout. Otherwise, if my friend did that in a restaurant, I’d probably bolt without paying the bill. She isn’t just a silent listener to Harry’s pain. She actively helps him and also gives him sharp advice. A true friend who genuinely cares for Harry. She shows friendship that transcends gender. How could you not find these two warm, nerdy characters endearing? The film’s greatest charm and competitive edge lies in the vitality of these two characters.
Thanks to their intense personalities, the screwball elements—the most fun part of romantic comedies—could truly shine. Had either been too ordinary or clichéd, the film would have collapsed. The reason they end up having sex is so fluidly natural it’s almost heartbreaking. It’s entirely plausible in real life, and coming from Harry and Sally, it elicits a reaction of “Well, that’s just like them.” I believe women can harbor several fears toward their ex-boyfriends. Among them, what is the worst possible situation for a woman at the prime age for marriage? Sally’s situation is precisely that worst-case scenario. She broke up with a boyfriend she had dated for a long time. Sally wanted to start a family, but her ex-boyfriend said no. They parted amicably by mutual agreement. But then, an invitation to his wedding arrived. It wasn’t that he didn’t want marriage or a family; he just didn’t want them with me (Sally). And to think he was setting up a life with a woman inferior to me (Sally)… it must have felt like my pride was utterly crushed. Trips I couldn’t take if I had a child, sex in the kitchen I couldn’t have if I had a child… Even without a child, they’d never done it.
Sally collapsed under the flood of past memories, and the one who caught her then was, oh dear, Harry. Was it Sally’s mistake to see Harry, who approached as a friend, as a man? They hugged, then kissed, then had sex, following the sequence. Unlike the happy, satisfied Sally, Harry experienced quiet turmoil. The audience probably felt sorry for them. Where was this relationship headed? Was it over between them? They immediately confessed every detail to a close friend. Then, when they met again to talk, things somehow seemed to get worse. Because of actions written as friendship but read as pride. Hiding their true feelings is considered common sense in a romantic comedy. After all, if they were completely honest, the story’s conflict would be boring. So Sally, driven by that petty pride everyone experiences, puts on a cool front and ends up hurt. Oblivious Harry, thankfully, brushes it off completely. By this point, sighs can be heard from all around. Now their real conflict begins. Because Sally is hurt by how Harry treats her, and Harry is hurt by Sally’s blatant disregard for him. They fight as if they’ll never see each other again. But soon, they feel the discomfort of each other’s absence, proving that “the absent know the place of the present.” So, in a slightly clichéd move, Harry rushes off to find Sally, like rescuing a princess trapped in a tower. The moment they meet again, they have another huge fight. After confirming their feelings, they seal their reconciliation with a kiss, signaling the start of a new relationship. True to romantic comedy form, the film ends with that kiss. Rather than being an overly predictable ending, I see it as one of the genre’s charming characteristics.
Human relationships, difficult even within the film, remain challenging in reality. It’s somewhat unreasonable to insist on black-and-white logic, demanding that if it’s not friendship, then it must be love. Relationships are too complex and delicate to be defined in a single word; they’re as sensitive as a thin membrane, impossible to touch carelessly. Anyway, romantic comedies prioritize depicting the romantic entanglements between men and women, so they often focus on love rather than friendship. They emphasize romantic feelings over the concretization of other emotional threads. Judging solely by this film, friendship between men and women might seem impossible, but I know that’s not necessarily the case. Therefore, while I agree that alcohol and the night open up infinite possibilities, I also believe that friends can exist between men and women. They thought they were just friends, nothing more or less. But after a decade of twists and turns, infinite possibilities opened up. They navigated countless scenarios and ended up falling in love. Just as I believe in fate, these two were destined for each other.
It feels like reading an adult fairy tale. Their characters are so unique, yet they’re driven by events and people that could easily exist in our own world, making them all the more endearing. These two friends, flustered by romantic feelings even at ages 20, 30, and 35, could be me or my friend. It was a romantic comedy that left no regrets, with a clean aftertaste and a feel-good vibe. It was neither overdone nor lacking, like freshly made tofu. Though Harry and Sally slept together through a form of indirect intent—the most extreme method—they ultimately collided head-on and reached a wholly happy ending. They preserved their friendship through alcohol and the night. But I believe all those opportunities transformed their ending into love.
