This blog post explores how love serves as a pillar of support during a journey of self-discovery in the film The Danish Girl, examining how the relationship between two people sustained each other through change.
‘The Danish Girl’ tells the story of someone striving to become their whole self. The fact that this is a true story makes it resonate even more deeply, portraying a person who chose a challenging path to realize their identity despite an era rife with misunderstanding about gender. Such a story can likely evoke deeper empathy in more people today than it would have in that era. This is because even in modern society, many still grapple with questions of identity and must contend with social prejudice or discrimination. This film transcends a simple period piece, conveying a universal story about the human journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance.
Before watching the film, seeing the title ‘The Danish Girl,’ I naturally assumed it referred to Lili. However, in the film, ‘The Danish Girl’ is what Hans says while on the phone, referring to Gerda waiting for him outside. Gerda was the ‘Danish girl’ who came seeking help from her husband’s childhood friend to assist her husband, who was wandering in confusion over his identity. Therefore, this film is not only the story of Einar striving to find his true self, but also the story of Gerda, who loved him completely and stood by his side.
The film primarily illuminates Aina’s process of suffering due to her gender identity and overcoming it by transforming into Lily. Though Gerda is always portrayed as a peripheral figure, recalling my experience watching the film, I found myself unconsciously empathizing with her. Such empathy naturally arises from the complex emotions and relationships depicted within the film’s characters.
First, it was Gerda who prompted Aina to become aware of the Lily within herself. From the moment he became Gerda’s portrait model, he recognized the femininity residing within him. This scene depicts a very subtle psychological shift. As he focuses on his femininity and transforms into Lily, Gerda also undergoes numerous psychological changes by his side. During the period when Aina reveals her confusion about her identity, doctors dismiss her husband as mentally ill. Even when she cries, saying she wants to see her husband, Aina tells her she cannot do that. At that time, society had no established understanding of gender transition, and similar cases were extremely rare. Gerda likely found it difficult to accept that her beloved husband wanted to become a woman, and fear must have taken a significant hold. She also likely felt resentment and loneliness because Aina was no longer fulfilling her role as a spouse.
In this confusing situation, with no one to lean on, Gerda impulsively kisses Aina’s friend Hans but immediately pushes him away, clearly showing this. Gerda must witness her husband’s turmoil while suddenly shouldering the burden of her own professional upheaval alone, far from home. This leads her to lean on her husband’s friend, yet her subsequent departure—remembering that Aina is the one she loves—conveys both loneliness and a sense of responsibility toward her beloved. Here, Gerda’s plight speaks for many in modern society who endure self-sacrifice for the sake of their loved ones.
Guilt also exists within her emotions. Had she not asked Aina to stand in as a model, they might have lived as an ordinary couple, unaware of the inner Lily. And ultimately, the decision to undergo gender reassignment surgery became possible precisely because she met the doctor Lily introduced. Watching her beloved consciously choose the painful path to self-discovery and becoming a woman, she must have wondered if she had caused this.
Thus, Aina, who began seeking her true self, could be seen as selfish in her relationship with her loved one. Yet Gerda, even as her husband transformed into Lily, cared for him like an older sister or mother. What seemed most magnificent in this film was Gerda’s love. It made one wonder how much love it would take to act as she did.
And unlike Aina’s father, who resorted to violence after seeing her kiss a man, Gerda respected the process and decision of finding one’s true self, standing by as a source of strength. Watching this, it also made one think that greater love could be found in artificially formed relationships than in blood-related families. Even after Aina became Lili and their love took an unconventional form, Gerda’s acceptance and love were greater than any prejudice, allowing him to keep searching for his true self.
I want to say this film isn’t about the choice made by the world’s first person to attempt gender reassignment surgery, but rather a story about the true love that made that choice possible. Aina and Gerda’s story makes us reconsider what love truly is, showing us that true love means understanding the essence of the other and walking that path together.
