In this blog post, we’ll explore how the documentary film “My Love, Don’t Cross That River” moved audiences so deeply through the lives of an ordinary elderly couple, while also examining the characteristics of observational documentaries and the film’s significance.
Upon examining this work, I realized that this documentary film was actually based on material that had already been broadcast as a five-part series titled “Lovers with White Hair” on the Korean broadcaster KBS’s program “Human Theater.” Taking this opportunity, I rewatched the five-part series “Lovers with White Hair,” and found it equally fascinating. The overall content was almost identical to the film. The broadcast unfolded more stories over a longer period, while the film condensed fewer stories into a relatively shorter runtime.
As I analyzed this work, I realized that the difference between broadcast documentaries and film documentaries is stark. The TV documentary largely relied on expository techniques, with a heavy emphasis on narration. Narration was frequently used to explain scenes featuring inserts or to convey the stories of the elderly couple. While the narrative generally follows the passage of time, the explanatory elements inserted throughout serve to enhance the audience’s understanding and make the content more engaging. However, this approach also leaves room for the director’s personal perspective to influence the presentation, which is somewhat regrettable. Since this documentary conveys a natural emotional atmosphere simply by observing the grandmother and grandfather, there are quite a few scenes where explanations aren’t strictly necessary. This is because these are moments where the audience can think and feel for themselves, even without commentary.
In contrast, cinematic documentaries often employ observational documentary techniques. In other words, they minimize commentary and aim to observe things as they are. Consequently, narration is rarely used in these films. Because of this approach, there are moments when it feels somewhat difficult to connect one scene to the next. Insert shots showing a house in the rain for a long time, scenes of a puppy, or a bird flying along the riverbank sometimes seem to carry some symbolism. However, one might think these are scenes that viewers could overlook without fully grasping their meaning unless someone explains them. Nevertheless, the reason this film felt intriguing was the freshness of the characters being observed.
The second question that came to mind was, “What is the meaning behind the title?” While analyzing and researching, I discovered that this title is related to “Gongmu Dohaga,” the founding poem of Gojoseon.
“My love, my love, my dearest love, do not cross the river
My love, my love, my dearest love
Yet you cross that river
Ah~ swept away by the water, you have passed away
Ah~ what am I to do with my departed love?”
“Do not cross the river, my lord. Yet you crossed the river. You fell into the river and died. What am I to do with you, my lord?”
— From the Gojoseon poem “Gongmu Dohaga”
The origin of “Gongmu Dohaga” actually begins with the following story. During the Joseon Dynasty, there was a boatman named Gwak Ri-ja-go. One early morning, as he was getting up to tend to his boat, he saw a madman with snow-white hair, his hair disheveled, clutching a bottle of liquor and staggering as he tried to cross the river. His wife, who had followed him, tried to stop him, but it was already too late, and the man eventually fell into the river and drowned. Witnessing this, the wife desperately called out to her husband, but it was all in vain.
Bursting into tears, the wife suddenly took the konghu—an ancient stringed instrument—that she had with her and composed a song to express her feelings. That song was “Gongmu Doha,” meaning “My love, do not cross the river.” It is said that the sound was deeply sorrowful. After finishing the song, the wife also threw herself into the river and took her own life.
Having witnessed this unexpected scene, Guo Liziga returned home and told the story to his wife, Yueyu, relaying every heart-wrenching note of the song. Upon hearing the tale, Yueyu reportedly began to weep and, embracing the guhu hanging on the wall, played a piece based on that song. It is said that there was not a single person among those who heard her performance who did not shed tears. Yeo-ok also taught this song to her neighbor, Yeo-yong, and in this way, the song gradually became widely known throughout the world.
Once I understood the content of this folk song, I began to wonder why the director had chosen such a title. I wondered if it was an attempt to express the heart of a wife watching her husband’s journey toward death. After watching the film, I looked up the folk song with this title, and its lyrics naturally overlapped with the story in the film. It struck me that the woman’s heart in the song and Grandmother Kang Gye-yeol’s heart in the film were likely not so different, and at that moment, I felt a lump in my throat.
The third question that came to mind was, “Why did this film attract the largest audience of any documentary in history?” I believe one of the reasons this documentary resonated with so many people was its distribution strategy. Above all, not many people are interested in watching documentaries these days. Moreover, it’s even rarer for people to pay to go to a movie theater to watch a documentary. In fact, if you visit a movie theater, multiplexes like CGV, Lotte Cinema, and Megabox mostly screen commercial films featuring famous Korean actors, movies starring international stars, and blockbusters or animations produced by major studios like Marvel or Disney. Documentary films are rarely screened to begin with, and even when they are, they are often scheduled during limited time slots—usually just two or three times a day—making it difficult for audiences to catch them.
However, the situation was a bit different for this film. An online article reported the following:
“The distributor, CGV Art House, is the driving force behind the success of ‘My Love, Don’t Cross That River.’ ‘My Love, Don’t Cross That River’ sold out every seat at the DMZ International Documentary Film Festival and won the Audience Award. Its buzz had already been proven. Even so, unlike most independent or niche films, CGV Art House began screening it on 186 screens from day one. This was a significantly different strategy compared to *Warang Sound*, which started on about 10 screens. This demonstrates just how aggressive CGV Art House’s distribution strategy was.”
This difference becomes clear when compared to *Warang Sound*, which started on about 10 screens. And when you think about it, when choosing a movie theater, many people tend to opt for multiplexes operated by large corporations first if the price is the same. This is because they are well-equipped with amenities, large screens, and high-quality sound systems. As a result, since large corporations are also involved in production and distribution, it becomes easier for them to distribute films with high commercial value and adjust screening schedules. Fortunately, however, this film was able to secure a sufficient number of screens with the support of a major distributor, and the buzz generated at the DMZ International Documentary Film Festival also served as a major boost.
The combination of these factors allowed a larger audience to experience this film. I believe that production and distribution support will remain crucial elements for the continued development of documentary films in the future.
Fourth, and most importantly, the story of this film is incredibly compelling. The elderly couple featured in the film have lived long lives, but the time they have spent together is just as long and profound as a single person’s lifetime. It makes one think about how difficult it must have been in a patriarchal era for a man to do something for a woman. Yet, despite their advanced age, this couple walks hand in hand and strolls down the street together in matching hanbok, just like young couples today. That sight feels truly beautiful.
How many people today truly believe they can get married and spend 76 long years together? It’s an era where people often choose divorce if they don’t see eye to eye, and opt to part ways at the slightest sign of trouble in their relationship. Against this backdrop, seeing the grandmother repeat the words “Thank you” over and over again, I feel a sense of freshness emanating from this elderly couple who have lived together for so many years. While many people talk about the difficulties of married life, this elderly couple has lived in the countryside, chopping wood and working the fields, washing clothes by hand even in the cold winter without a washing machine. Yet, they say they have maintained their rural lifestyle to the very end simply because they didn’t want to be a burden to their children.
Their love has endured for over 76 years. However, as conflicts among their children and the approaching death of the grandfather emerge in the story, the emotional impact deepens. The connection that began when a 14-year-old girl met a 19-year-old man and started living together as his wife has continued to this day, and the moment viewers witness their eventual parting, everyone is moved to reflect on their own lives. It prompts a fresh perspective on the passage of time and the nature of love.
This film is more than just a documentary depicting the story of an elderly couple. It is a record of life and a chronicle of love created by two people who have lived together for many years, and it prompts viewers to reconsider the meaning of life. For this reason, the film has left a deep impression and lingering emotion on many people, resulting in it being loved by a large audience—an unusual achievement for a documentary.
